(flowers my oldest son gave me yesterday before leaving)
This has been the summer of change. Actually, I thought last summer was the summer for change.
Maybe this is just the regular state of things.
Yesterday we had a cookout for my oldest son. He moved out in June, but was still local. A week and a half ago he called me to tell me he is moving to Washington State...and he was leaving in a week and a half.
It has been a whirlwind week and a half. We have spent that time sorting and packing and taking items to goodwill, setting aside things to ship later, weighing suitcases to make sure they fall below the weight limits, throwing stuff away. He spent 2 nights here with us, but the time flew and we felt we hardly saw him. I really did not have time to think too much on that fact that he was leaving.
Until Friday. Then it hit me and hit me hard. I was just piddling around in my kitchen when I was hit with this image of my son in his Ninja Turtle costume when he was about 5 years old. Another image followed: him jumping in the pool with water wings, shouting "watch me! watch me! I can swim!" The final image that did me in was me laying on the couch with him when he was still napping age, snuggling. Him drifting into sleep, feeling his breath against my neck, me reading a book, the house quiet around us.
I lost it.
Yesterday we had a big family cookout so everyone could come say bye and wish him well. I did not see much of him as he made his rounds to everyone else. Then, he was packing the car with his bags to take to the airport (a friend is taking him today to fly out). I saw him right before he left - as he said good-bye.
Did you know that from where I am, Washington State is as far away in flight as Germany is from where I am? He might as well be in another country.
Can you tell I am struggling with this?
But...this is what he wants, so we support him. I say tons of mother prayers that he will be watched over, kept safe, be strong, persevere and call me every once in a while.
Being a mom is hard.
Joyfully (but struggling to be so today),